


How Do I Tell You?

by Aquata



Category: Rush Hour (TV 2016)
Genre: First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 08:16:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquata/pseuds/Aquata
Summary: Lee has been in love with Carter for seven months, twenty one days and approximately fourteen hours.It's time he told him, but who knew it could be so difficult to find the right opportunity and get those words out?





	

Lee has been in love with Carter for seven months, twenty one days and approximately fourteen hours.

He can pinpoint the exact moment it happened. They had been lounging on the couch in Carter's apartment, eating pizza, and Carter had been trying to tell a story about Gerald from his childhood. But he had been too busy laughing hysterically at the memory to actually get the words out and Lee had been left none the wiser about what had actually happened in the tale.

Instead he had watched as Carter practically cried with laughter, his smile so bright that it made Lee's heart skip and glow with warmth in his chest. And in that moment, he had simply looked at him and thought _it's him_. It had felt like something had slotted into place inside him and he felt almost dizzy with it, suddenly overwhelmed by the realization that he loved this ridiculous man so much that it took his breath away.

That didn't mean he knew what to do about it though because almost eight months later, he still hasn't told Carter, too afraid of damaging the friendship that means so much to him. But after almost eight months of pining after him, of watching him with a longing that has only grown stronger over time, he thinks maybe it's finally time to say something.

As he watches Carter, sitting at his desk and doing paperwork, a slight thoughtful frown on his face that Lee finds surprisingly endearing, he knows that these feelings aren't going away any time soon. And it's then that he realizes that he has to tell him because he's not sure how long he can bear to keep these overwhelming feelings to himself.

Because every time he sees Carter, he wants to take him in his arms and kiss him. He wants to find out what that smart mouth feels like against his own, wants to feel that smile against his own lips. On more than one occasion, he has wanted to kiss Carter simply to shut him up, to halt those words with his tongue and see how much it takes to render him speechless.

It's these desires that have him deciding to say something because he's not sure how much longer he can keep himself in check around his partner. More than a few times he has found himself leaning unconsciously towards him or having to pull back an errant hand that had started to reach out unthinkingly. Something needs to be done before he does something stupid like reaching out to hold his hand without thinking or simply giving in and kissing him in front of everyone.

~~~

His first attempt at telling Carter how he feels is an unmitigated failure, the product of impulse and not enough thought as he walks around his desk to Carter's side and stops next to him.

"Carter," he says, his whole body thrumming with sudden nerves and it's only then that he realizes they are surrounded by their colleagues who could overhear anything he says. Heat rises in his cheeks at that knowledge and his mouth goes dry as he suddenly finds that he doesn't know what to say anyway. He struggles to find the words but draws a complete blank.

Carter doesn't seem to mind his sudden descent into silence though because after a few moments, when it becomes obvious that Lee isn't actually going to say anything, he just starts chattering away about something Gerald had said to him the day before.

Lee listens to him absently and decides that he needs to think this through more, needs to plan what he is going to say so that he isn't left speechless again. And he thinks that maybe the precinct isn't the best place for this.

~~~

His second attempt is more organised.

He invites Carter out to dinner, picks somewhere nicer than they would usually go but not so upmarket that it would make them feel out of place.

"We don't usually come to places as nice as this. Are you trying to tell me my restaurant choices aren't up to scratch?" Carter says as they are seated at their table. "Because I know there was that one complete dive with the rats but I swear it wasn't like that the last time I was there!"

"No!" Lee replies, suddenly flustered. "I was just..." He trails off there because what can he say next? I was just trying to make it special for when I tell you how I feel and maybe we can turn this into a date while we're at it?

"I just thought we could try somewhere new," he finishes lamely. "I wasn't trying to imply-"

"C'mon man, I'm just messing with you!" Carter says, cutting him off before he can finish. "This place is great!" Lee relaxes slightly at that, and then more at the bright smile that Carter offers him. That smile is always enough to convince him that everything will be okay.

After that the conversation flows easier and Lee gets caught up in it. He listens to Carter complain about Donovan's latest insults and they bicker about where does the best Chinese takeout.

"I am Chinese!" Lee argues. "That means I know best about this."

"Like hell you do," Carter tells him amicably. "Let's be honest here, you have terrible taste so I don't think we can trust your opinion on this."

"I do not have terrible taste!"

"Really, 'cause I've heard your music and it sucks, man," Carter says. "Tell me one thing you like that's in good taste. And don't try to convince me architecture is cool, alright. We've been over that and the conclusion is that you're a massive nerd but it's still not cool."

I like _you_ , Lee wants to say, because he knows that would shut him up, but he's planned out what he's going to say this time and that's not it. He's saved from having to find an answer though because the food arrives at that moment and Carter is suddenly too distracted to pursue the argument.

The conversation moves to other things after that and before Lee knows it, they are halfway through the meal and he still hasn't told Carter why they are really there.

"Carter," he says, putting down his fork and reaching out a hand to touch his arm gently. Carter looks surprised at the touch. Lee isn't often the one to initiate contact, despite how much he wants to, and it's even more unusual that he doesn't pull his hand away when he has Carter's attention. There is a long, slow moment as they look at each other and the air between them feels suddenly full of something that Lee can't name. "There is something I wanted to-"

He is cut off by the shrill sound of Carter's phone ringing and they both jump more than they should at the sound.

"Sorry. Hang on a moment," Carter says quickly, digging his phone out of his pocket, and Lee reluctantly pulls his hand away from his arm as he answers the call. He watches as Carter talks and tries not to feel too disappointed that the moment has been broken.

"Yeah? Damn, okay," Carter says as he listens to the person on the other end. "Yeah, okay, we'll be right there."

Lee's heart sinks at those words and he watches as Carter ends the call and shoves the phone back in his pocket.

"Work?" Lee asks and usually he has no problem with their jobs taking up so much of their lives but he can't stop the disappointment that rushes through him at being interrupted right now.

"Yeah," Carter answers seriously and Lee knows that whatever news was just delivered isn't happy. "They found Gregory. He's dead."

It only takes them minutes to pay and leave the restaurant, leaving behind their half eaten meals and Lee's hopes of telling Carter about his feelings.

"Hey what were you going to tell me?" Carter asks him as they get into the car. "Back at the restaurant it seemed like you wanted to say something."

"It doesn't matter," he lies in response. "It was nothing important."

Carter seems to take that at face value because he doesn't ask any further questions as he drives them towards the river to investigate their missing persons case that has just become something else entirely.

Lee stares out the window and tries to swallow his disappointment. He'll just have to try again.

~~~

His third attempt is as brief and unsuccessful as it is unplanned.

They are at Carter's apartment, watching TV and enjoying each other's company after an exhausting day on the job that had involved far too much running and fighting. It had left them both exhausted, with more than a few bruises each and it was by unspoken agreement that they ended up at Carter's to order takeout and endeavor not to move for a few hours.

The lights are off and the room is quiet, apart from the sound of the movie playing on screen, and even Carter seems to have decided to just watch instead of talking over it, for once too tired for his usual level of talkativeness.

Lee is having trouble focusing on the movie however. Even though he keeps his eyes fixed on the screen, he is too aware of how close they are sitting because when Carter had flopped down on the couch, he had ended up much closer than usual, their arms almost touching and their legs brushing where Carter's tipped to the side slightly.

He can feel the heat of his body and it's enough to seize his attention and make him long to reach out and close that small gap, to lean into him and feel the solid strength of his body, to take comfort in him after the tiring events of the day.

He wants to curl against him and feel Carter's arms around him with an intensity so strong that he aches with it. More than that, he wants to turn to him and breath the words he has been trying to find the courage to say, to press against him and whisper words of adoration into his skin.

"I love you, Carter," he finds himself saying helplessly into the dark room before he can stop himself, and it's not the eloquent speech that he had planned out but after the day they've had, he can't bring himself to care. He just wants Carter to know, wants desperately to find out if Carter feels the same way. He stills nervously, waiting for a response.

Silence.

He turns his head to look at Carter and finds him sitting with his head tipped back, his mouth hanging open as he sleeps peacefully, completely unaware of his partner's sudden confession. Lee sighs to himself and scrubs a frustrated hand over his face. Why is this so difficult?

He looks back at Carter, watches the way the flickering light of the TV plays over his face and has to hold himself back from moving closer. The way Carter's head is tilted back exposes his throat and Lee wants to press his mouth to that skin so badly that he has to clench his hands and tear his gaze away to stop himself from doing it.

He tries to fix his attention on the TV but isn't entirely successful and in the end he spends the rest of the evening acutely aware of Carter's presence and exercising every inch of his control in order to not reach out and touch him.

He really needs to tell Carter the truth. Soon.

~~~

He puts a lot more thought into his fourth attempt, determined that he is going to get it right this time.

He gets cinema tickets for Didi and Derrick and books them a table at a restaurant afterwards, telling Didi that they deserve to have some time for just the two of them. They never seem to get that with Lee living with them and with Carter and Gerald constantly visiting. Didi argues that she doesn't mind but she seems grateful for the idea and even though she tries to convince him to let her pay instead, Lee is adamant that he wants to do something to thank them for letting him live with them.

She gives in eventually and, with the promise of the house to themselves, Lee tells Carter to come over for dinner that evening. He doesn't tell Carter that they are doing anything different from the norm, instead making it sound like he just wants to hang out as usual.

What he actually has planned takes a lot more effort to set up than their usual routine of takeout and TV though. He spends the morning buying ingredients and times it so that he arrives back at the house not long after Didi and Derrick have left. He hadn't wanted to buy the ingredients earlier and have Didi see it all and start asking questions that he didn't want to answer just yet.

He spends the afternoon cooking it all and it feels like it has been far too long since he had the opportunity to just cook like this. It brings back memories of his mother, of helping her in the kitchen, spending the afternoons learning under her careful tutelage and cheerful nature. Kim had never had an interest in joining them so it had always just been him and his mother.

He hadn't thought much of it at the time, other than that he enjoyed the time they spent together, but now he treasures those memories, treasures the remembered joyful sound of her laugh and the soft, affectionate sound of her voice. He misses her very much and he doesn't think twice about adding her favorite dish to the list of foods he is preparing, partly because the taste of it has always soothed him, a distant connection to the mother he will never see again, and partly because he wants to share it with Carter, wants to share the taste of a food that means so much to him.

He loses himself in the process of cooking and it helps calm the nerves that threaten to fill him up at the thought of finally telling Carter how he feels about him. Cooking has always had that effect on him, giving him something to focus on and something to do with his hands while his mind goes quiet and calm. It allows him to escape from the world, if only for a short while, and he throws himself into it, completely focused on the job at hand. It takes hours but eventually he has produced a selection of Chinese dishes that he can't help feeling proud of.

He dishes everything out into bowls and plates, and then sets them all out on the table, covering each of them carefully to keep them warm until Carter gets there. He finds a candle in one of the cupboards and dithers about whether to light it or not, wanting to make it special but fretting that it might be too much. He goes back and forth on that idea many times, his hand tapping nervously on his leg as he eyes the candle and tries to remember everything he's planning to say.

Eventually, he lights the candle.

He almost snuffs it out again as a wave of doubt floods through him but he stops himself at the last moment. He tells himself that he is being ridiculous, tells himself that there's no way a candle is that important and that he is stupid for worrying about it so much, but it doesn't seem to help.

Then everything is ready and he has nothing left to do but wait for Carter to show up. He eyes his watch anxiously, his heart fluttering with nerves and his breathing quicker than it has any right to be. Carter should be there soon and just the thought of that has him on edge and flooded with nerves. He's suddenly not so sure he knows how to do this. What if Carter doesn't like it? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if that damned candle is too much?

He fusses with the place mats, nudging them until they are perfectly aligned, just for something to do with his restless hands. The cooking had helped calm him originally and he had hoped that the familiar food would help make him feel more comfortable and let him keep his composure long enough to tell Carter everything he wanted to tell him, but now that calm is long gone and he can't help fidgeting with worry over it all.

He checks his watch again, only to find that barely a minute has passed and then berates himself for turning into such a mess over this. Each minute seems to crawl by as he waits nervously and he comes to the conclusion that it's the waiting that's to blame for his current state. He hadn't been this nervous during any of his previous attempts after all.

He tells himself to get it together. He is usually in control of his emotions but that control is faltering and he can only hope that his level of nerves won't be too obvious to Carter when he arrives.

It's at that moment that his phone rings and he almost jumps out of his skin, hands scrabbling to dig it out of his pocket and almost dropping it completely. He sees Carter's name on the screen and answers it quickly.

"Hello?" he says and hates that there is a breathless edge to that one word.

"Hey!" Carter greets cheerfully and just the sound of his voice makes Lee feel better, his nerves abating somewhat. He can imagine the smile on Carter's face, the bright, happy one that always makes him feel like he's floating.

"Are you on your way?" he asks, hoping he doesn't sound too eager.

"About that," Carter says and something in Lee wavers with dread. "Gerald's going to this party and he asked me to go with him. You don't mind do you? I mean we were just gonna hang out and watch TV, right?"

"Right," Lee says, staring at the neat table of painstakingly created food as his heart sinks. "Of course. That's...fine."

"Are you sure?" Carter asks. "I mean, you can come with us if you want. I know it's not really your thing but man, you gotta get out sometimes."

"I would prefer not to," Lee tells him, so overwhelmed with bitter disappointment that he almost wants to cry with it. He certainly doesn't want to go to a party.

"Is everything okay?" Carter asks, seeming to pick up on his distress and Lee squeezes his eyes closed against the flood of tumultuous emotions.

"I'm fine," he lies and he even manages to sound convincing. "I'm just tired."

"Oh okay," Carter says, a hint of concern underlying his words. "Maybe you should try to get some sleep then."

"I will. Have a good time at the party," Lee offers. He wants to tell Carter not to go, wants to tell him that they weren't going to just watch TV but the words just form a lump in his throat and he can't get them out.

"Thanks, man," Carter says and Lee can hear the grin in his voice. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

And then he is gone and Lee is left alone with a table of food and no one to share it with. He knows he has no right to be upset with Carter. It was his own fault for not telling the truth, for making him think that there was nothing important about tonight. He feels suddenly stupid for not making sure Carter knew he needed to be there.

He sighs and looks at the dishes of food that he had put so much effort into, wondering what he's going to do with it all now. He takes a few steps forward and leans down to blow out the candle. Turns out it wasn't so important after all.

Then he takes a seat at the table and starts uncovering the food before starting to eat slowly. He doesn't want it all to go to waste after all, even though he suddenly doesn't have much of an appetite. He hates himself for moping over this and tells himself that it's just a meal and, yes, it had taken time and effort to prepare but it was only a meal. That doesn't do anything to get rid of the cold feeling of disappointment that sits in the pit of his stomach though.

This was his fourth attempt at telling Carter how he feels about him and if he were more superstitious, he might think that the universe was trying to tell him something. Instead of dwelling on that thought though, he just sighs again and carries on eating as he berates himself for his own foolishness.

His mother's favorite dish doesn't seem to taste quite as good as usual.

~~~

His fifth attempt doesn't go at all as planned.

Carter had shown up unexpectedly at Didi's that morning and insisted that it was a lovely day and that they should be outside enjoying it. He had practically dragged Lee from the house and into the car before pulling away and driving them through Los Angeles.

Now Lee watches the passing scenery absently, wondering where they are going, but it seems like no time at all before Carter is pulling over and parking the car in the shade of a tree.

"I recognize this place," Lee says, looking around and then blinking at him in surprise. It is the place where Carter had apologized to him for burning his trust early on in their partnership, the place where they had laid the bedrock for their friendship and finally connected.

"Yeah, bedrock!" Carter grins, leaping out of the car and Lee can't help the rush of warmth he gets at the knowledge that Carter remembers it for that reason too. "C'mon! They sell ice cream over there."

He heads off in that direction and Lee hurries after him, slightly bemused to find himself here again.  
In minutes they both have ice cream and they find a bench to sit on together, looking out at the view and enjoying the companionable silence as they both try to eat their ice cream before it melts in the heat. It is beautiful there and it has Lee thinking of all the things he wants to tell Carter, all the things he's been trying to say since he first decided to finally tell him that he loves him.

"You know," Carter says as he finishes his ice cream. "This is where I first thought that we might actually become friends."

Lee glances across at him and finds Carter watching him with a fond expression on his face that makes his heart skitter in his chest.

"This is where Gerald handcuffed you to the railing with your own handcuffs," Lee tells him, his mouth twitching in amusement at the memory.

"Hey! He caught me off guard okay?" Carter defends immediately and Lee's mouth turns up into a proper smile.

"He is not even trained," he tells him and Carter laughs.

"Yeah, you came back for me though," Carter says, his voice suddenly gentler and there is something soft in his eyes. It has Lee thinking that maybe this is the perfect time to tell Carter about his feelings. It is a lovely day and they are sat in a beautiful place that was a significant part of their friendship. He can't think of a better time to do it.

"Carter," he starts at the same time as Carter says "Lee."

They both fluster for a moment and then Lee gestures for Carter to continue, putting his attempts at another confession aside for a moment.

"There's something I've been wanting to tell you," Carter says and Lee frowns because that sounds just like the start of his speech.

"What is it?" he asks when Carter hesitates.

"Well, here's the thing. This place is where everything properly started for us," Carter continues. "It's where our friendship began and I had no idea then how much you were going to mean to me. You became my best friend and then somewhere along the way, something changed and I started feeling something else."

He pauses for a moment, fidgeting with his hands and Lee can barely breath past the sudden swell of hope.

"What I'm trying to say," Carter pushes on, "is that I love you. I'm in love with you and I thought this would be the best place to tell you because I'd really like to start something else here too."

He stops, looking more nervous than Lee has ever seen him as he waits for an answer. Lee for his part can only stare at him in shock because this was _not_ how he'd planned it at all. He can barely believe that after all this time struggling to tell Carter that he loves him, Carter has gone and done it for him.

"This isn't how it's supposed to happen," he says before he can stop himself and Carter frowns at him in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"I have been trying to tell you that I love you for weeks," Lee says almost petulantly. "And then you just... You just..."

"You love me?" Carter says with a wide grin.

"Yes," Lee replies. "But I had it planned and..."

"You love me," Carter says again, smiling happily and it sounds like he's saying it more to himself than Lee, savoring the words.

"I love you," Lee agrees helplessly, feeling like he's getting lost in that smile.

"I love you too," Carter tells him and Lee doesn't quite know what to do with himself.

Carter loves him. That thought is enough to send giddy joy coursing through him and he can't stop the smile that spreads across his face.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks breathlessly because he has wanted to for so long and the need is even more intense when Carter is looking at him like that.

"Hell yeah," Carter says enthusiastically, already leaning forward, and then they are kissing. They are smiling far too much for it to be anything other than messy and uncoordinated but it's Carter and so Lee can't think of anything more perfect.

When they pull apart, Carter is still beaming at him and Lee isn't much better. He reaches out a hand to touch his fingertips to that smile, tracing the curve of it, and Carter's expression softens into something gentle and affectionate. It has Lee leaning in to kiss him again, soft and exploratory as he presses closer to him.

One of Carter's hands finds his, linking their fingers together, and the other comes up to curl against Lee's neck, warm against his skin as he holds him in place. Lee sighs happily into the kiss and he dimly thinks that Carter was right about this being the perfect place to do this. It's where they started their friendship and now it's where they started this too.

Lee has been in love with Carter for eight months, twelve days and approximately fifteen hours. And now he knows that love is returned.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone's interested, I wrote another fic for the movie versions of these two, which can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9586472). It involves Carter's habit of talking in his sleep.
> 
> I don't know if any of you actually ship the movie versions too but there you go.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this one! Let me know what you thought!


End file.
